The Susan Sequel

Our family lost a giant yesterday. Antonio Petosa, Frank’s father and my children’s grandfather, passed away from complications of COVID. He was 80 years old, had survived a year long battle with Lymphoma and was double vaccinated. This is a difficult loss. My father-in-law and I did not start our relationship on the best of terms. You see, Tony was a proud Italian immigrant, having come here with his mother and brother when he was 16 (although at 80, he still sounded like he came off the boat yesterday). We had some differences, religion amongst them (he was a proud Catholic, I, a Jew from Miami). None the less, with time, he grew to accept and love me. Most importantly, he always treated me with the utmost of respect and affection missing from many of their other family members.

However, where Tony truly shined was as a father and grandfather. I have often said that Frank’s mother raised his sister and Tony raised Frank. Frank spent countless hours with Tony on the soccer field, in his garage workshop or working construction (for those who didn’t know, Frank worked on the crew that laid the tile in Boca’s original Saks- a fact Frank likes to share). Tony was strict and Tony was old school; he expected a lot from his only son and Frank would never want to incur the wrath of “Big Tone” if he failed to meet his expectations. Despite his hard outer shell, Tony was a true softie at heart; a teddy bear true and true. He never failed to tell Frank how much he loved him and how proud he was of him, a tradition he carried to his death. In fact, he was like that with all of us. Sadly, my last spoken words with Tony were on August 31^st, which happened to be our 25^th wedding anniversary. Although he was in bad shape, he found the time to tell me he loved me, to tell me how proud he was of Frank & I and that 25 years was something to be celebrated. That is the Tony I knew and the Tony I grew to love.

Tony was also an amazing grandfather. His love for our children was apparent in everything he ever did, always asking Frank about the kids, even during their final conversations. He spent countless hours helping me drive Sam to and from ice hockey practice (a good hour out of his way), coached Sam’s SABR soccer teams for years with Frank and tried teaching Sam to cook all his favorite Italian dishes. With Hannah, it wasn’t as easy, Tony didn’t always know what to say to Hannah, a headstrong and vocal girl. Yet, when she had a serious car accident her senior year of high school, he showed up every single day and sat silently by her bedside, obviously terrified but not knowing what to say; his steadfast presence said it all.

I could go on with story after story about Tony (he had some doozies…. yet we doubt most are even real). But the true shame here is that this didn’t have to happen. Tony spent his year or so during quarantine silently battling non-Hodgkins lymphoma and was doing well. However, due to the chemo treatments, he remained immuno-compromised so Frank made sure to get him double vaccinated as soon as he was cleared by the oncologist. Frank took every precaution to make sure he wasn’t exposed to COVID and yet, all his precautions were for naught as he came down with what was likely the Delta variant (and no, we do not know for sure how he got it, but we do have our own theories as to what transpired). Despite Tony’s best efforts and the amazing work of the Doctors and nurses, his body could no longer fight the deadly disease ravaging him. A sad ending to a life well lived.

It didn’t have to be this way. There don’t have to be variants. Things can change. But we have to do this together. Enough of the political nonsense going on in this country. I read the following tweet that stuck with me:

If there’s one thing this year has taught us, it’s that Americans are staggeringly selfish. Not just like your meat and potatoes “I don’t want to share” selfish. Total apocalyptic “I will let you die rather than inconvenience myself” selfish.

Truer words have never been spoken. And to further quote the Washington Post on the same topic:

“Personal freedom does not give an individual the right to hurt others. Those not wearing masks and refusing to get vaccinated are spreading the virus and overcrowding the nation’s hospitals; This is not freedom…. It’s recklessness.”

I have no words for those who refuse to get vaccinated and/or wear a mask. I will not argue with stupid. I will no longer waste my time or tears on the egocentric actions of the ill-informed. At this point, they are beyond redemption. Blood is on their hands. I hope they can live with themselves.

As to our own circumstance, we will mourn and grieve for a man who left us too early and for a man whose larger than life presence will leave a hole in our hearts. We will toast Tony with Johnny Walker Black (only reserved for good financial days) and cannolis & zeppoles, his favorite treats (he once “gifted” me with a huge fry daddy so that I could properly make them for him). Thank you to everyone for your kind words and thoughts. They are much appreciated. You will be missed Tony. Riposare in pace.