The Susan Sequel

I love my children. At this point in my life, they are awesome, funny, smart mini-adults (well, Sam is taller than me but that doesn’t count). However, as the cliché goes… bigger kids, bigger problems. Don’t get me wrong, the problems I’m talking about pale in comparison to others in the real world but, truth be told, they consume me none-the-less. And, if you happen to have a girl, let me tell you… it’s not always easy. I adore Hannah; at 19, she is everything I could hope for in a daughter, person and friend. That being said, there are certain days that test us all. Today was one of them.

Many of you don’t know Hannah (although I talk about her a lot).  She is exceptionally unique, in a variety of ways. At 11 years old, she announced to my husband and I that she wanted to be a stand up comedian and the next Ellen DeGeneres. Needless to say, Frank and I laughed out loud and told her that it was the dumbest thing we had ever heard (even dumber than my childhood friend who wanted to be a cheerleader or a maid). But Hannah is tenacious and wouldn’t let it go. Finally, at age 15, after serious hip surgery, we decided to call her bluff. After noticing that the surgical recovery was depressing her, we told her that she could enroll in comedy classes. Mind you, this was easier said than done. The only comedy classes for a 15-year-old in South Florida were in Miami and I wasn’t such a good mom that I willing to drive her there once a week (I’m from Miami and try to stay as far away as possible). To make a long story short, I found an amazing improviser who ran a troupe and he agreed to give her a shot (shout out to Casey & Sick Puppies Comedy, sickpuppiescomedy.com). Feeling proud of myself, I dropped her off that first night believing in my heart that her dream of a career in comedy would soon be over (also, it was an adults-only class and I thought the intimidation factor alone would be the end of her). Guess I didn’t know her as well as I thought; in fact, those early classes were just the beginning of what we have now learned is her true passion. Flash forward five years and she is still performing, studying and obsessing over all things comedy.  We laugh about her 11 year-old self and have determined that it’s going to make an awesome story one day when she is finally asked to be a guest on Ellen’s show.

The reason I’m writing this isn’t really about Hannah and her comedy experiences (although I am happy to talk about it for hours, if you would like). Rather, after my frustrating day on the phone with her, it’s more to vent that I missed the earlier signs. When my 11-year-old tells me that she wants to be a comedian and never changes her mind, why am I consistently surprised at her drive and determination? Without a doubt, she is the most dedicated, hard-working and focused teen I have ever met. I wasn’t like her, my husband wasn’t like her and my son certainly isn’t like her. She’s warm, friendly and heartfelt; however, she is also slightly “crazy” (but not in the One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest kind of way). She is ridiculously hard on herself and pushes herself to extremes in everything she does (btw, this isn’t always a compliment). Sadly, I often find it extremely frustrating to orbit in her world. Since I am not necessarily “built” like her, I do not always understand why she feels the way she does. Things I would let roll off my back, she ruminates about; things I would never strive for, she aspires to (and ends up getting 80% of them). But, of course, it’s the 20% that she doesn’t get that rips at her heart and soul. In these instances, all she can focus on is the negative, what she didn’t achieve. I talk and talk to her until I’m blue in the face and yet, we are still on different wave lengths when it comes to this particular issue.  Truly, it’s maddening and makes my head spin (which is horrible for my vertigo).  As a mother, your instincts are to fix anything and everything for your child and yet, you often can’t.  Of course, her mood swings are always temporary, but the heartache it leaves me with is simply exhausting (thank g-d for wine and Ambien). At 50 years old, I have learned (sometimes the hard way), that motherhood can best be summarized by the mantra “you’re only as happy as your most unhappy child”.

Without a doubt, she knows that she is a very lucky kid.  She has wonderful friends & family, she goes to an amazing school and has her whole future ahead of her (yes Hannah, you will be successful). Sometimes I want to just shake her (not in the shaken baby kind of way) and make her see how the 20% doesn’t matter in the long game, that there are so many people with bigger problems.  Yesterday, I went to JAFCO (Jewish Adoption and Foster Care Options), whose mission it is to care for abused and neglected children and those with developmental disabilities in the Jewish community (www.jafco.org).  As I learned, each month, through a variety of outstanding programming, JAFCO cares for over 600 children in need. And, as I saw in a tour of the facility, the children’s village is truly an amazing place… warm, friendly, loving and homey.  We decorated some of the children’s houses for Hanukkah and got to meet some people who work there.  I was beyond impressed and have decided that I need to take Hannah there for a visit. Because while she may not get everything she strives for, at least she has the opportunity and the support to reach for her dreams. If it weren’t for JAFCO and the amazing things they are able to provide for the children, these kids would be just another in a long line of statistics. As I need to reinforce with both of my kids, it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of your own blessings every once in a while.

So, to my precious Hannah… be you, be strong and be happy! Good things come to those who wait! Most!